Friends come and go in our lives. Sometimes they slip away unnoticed for months till it seems it is too late to contact them, so you don’t. Friends can have mutual parting and later a mutual finds. I wrote about an old school friend I caught up with recently. Some friends break away in trying circumstances, like a girl breaking up with a boyfriend. A fight or an occurrence that you can’t forgive. Secrets are told and secrets leaked. One secret kept for years and the friendship that breaks because of it.
Recently my husband has parted with a friend he had since uni days. Jason is cut up about losing this friend. They have been close for years. They don’t work in the same industries or have a whole lot in common but a close friendship. George (not his real name) had a thing for me at uni. He had made passes at me which I brushed off because I was with Jason. Years later one New Years Eve when Claire was about 8 years he propositioned me in the kitchen. I may have been flirting with him, it was New Year’s Eve but everyone was that night. His pregnant wife Jill (not her real name either) was in the other room oblivious to her husband’s groping hands and the kiss he was trying to plant on me. I squirmed away and never flirted again.
Anyway, George and Jill had two kids, a nice house, cars and holidays every few years overseas. We got on with them well and would even go away on holidays together. George never made any further passes at me. I felt comfortable in their company. It could have been about 8/9 years or so ago we noticed George was a little absent minded. We thought it might have just been something minor. Jill his wife was fine, till about two years ago when she started drinking a fair bit more than any of us at BBQs and get togethers. We didn’t think much of it at the time, but in retrospect it was a sign their relationship was not good.
Jill got a surprise visit at home one day when George and the kids were at work and school. Anna, a 30+ woman introduced herself as her husband’s mistress of 8 years. Anna thought she should tell Jill that she existed and that her husband had recently broken up with her. The long and the short of it. Anna wanted to have kids herself and put the hard word on George to leave his wife. George refused and said their relationship was over. Anna thought he should not get away it all and that was the point of the visit. When confronted George said he was tired of it all and left Jill and the kids. He has filed for a divorce and moved interstate. He wants nothing to do with Anna either. We are devastated for Jill and their kids are not taking it well, as you can expect. Their dad had a double life visiting his mistress for over 8 years. He had excuses for years about his family time absences, normally due to work commitments. He even went interstate with the mistress on holidays. Clearly, George is having his mid life crisis.
Jason is of two minds. Should he pursue his friendship with George and just forgive what he has done to his family? Or should he cut the ties? I think Jason also feels hurt that he did not guess that the affair was happening. He feels he has been deceived too.
At this point we are helping Jill and the kids where we can. We don’t live too far apart so we have had them over our place a bit. Our kids play well and it is good for their morale to have some fun and games. Jill has asked us and Jason in particular if he knew her husband was having an affair. She is surprised that she did not guess nor did Jason know it was happening. But looking back there were signs, it was just that we did not pick up on them.
Christmas a time of family togetherness will be interesting for them this year.
Had we had known about the affair what would we have done? I am not sure. If you found out your friend was having an affair, what would you do? Tell the partner?